Dr. Delaware? Couldn't You Use a Little Vacation?
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Author: Jonathan Kellerman
Title: Gone Genre: mystery A Hollywood axiom would have it that there is no such thing as bad publicity: all publicity is good publicity. That must have been the axiom that wannabe actors Michaela Brand and Dylan Meserve took to heart when they concocted their scheme; a scheme that the court later called "a reality show episode gone terribly wrong." After faking a carjacking, kidnapping, and subsequent escape, the pair turned up nude (spectacularly so, in the case of Brand) near Malibu three days later. The presence of a stash of bottled water and snickers bars sort of gave 'em away. That's how Alex Delaware, psychologist to the wannabe stars, made Michaela's acquaintance - asked by her defense attorney to establish her state of mind. The case was settled out of court, the two miscreants got a couple hundred hours of community service, and Delaware never saw Michaela Brand again. At least he never saw her alive... With Brand dead and Meserve missing, Lt. Milo Sturgis - who caught the case because he always gets the weird ones - concentrates on the acting school where the two met and first dreamed up their little publicity stunt. Something about the place just doesn't ring true - maybe it's the "teacher," Nora Dowd, who carries around her stuffed dog (no, not a toy - a product of taxidermy); maybe it's the twice-busted janitor with a history of peeping and weenie-wagging; maybe it's Meserve; maybe it's someone else entirely. With Delaware involved, rest assured that the psychopathology of any potential perp will be studied in detail (from a remove of several yards, of course). Everything goes wonky, however, when not only another budding actress who disappeared a couple of years back, but also a middle-aged married couple from the Midwest missing for ages turn out to have a tenuous connection to Dowd's school and her two brothers. And, of course, that janitor. Alex Delaware's on the case, though, flashing his six-months-out-of-date LAPD identity card and letting people believe he's a detective; tracking down the bad guy. Or gal, he's not too picky - at least not as picky as he is about his womenfolk. Speaking of whom, the luscious Robin Castagna's back. Maybe. But when he isn't pretending to be a detective chasing some ephemeral lead, Delaware's got his hands full with a p-o'd therapist that he turned over to the state boards. You'd better watch out, you'd better not pout... Is it just me, or does each successive Kellerman novel get slightly less interesting than the last? The guy used to put out some top-notch fiction, filled with action and thought-provoking characters. These days, it's just one more entry in the serial killer of the month club. I almost miss the days when he took on issues such as assisted suicide (Dr. Death), even if he did always spend just a little too much time preaching the gospel of Jon. I'm beginning to think that he's just depending on the success of earlier books to keep fans interested. Well, it ain't workin' in this case. It's difficult to put one's finger on what's weak about Gone. Perhaps it's the entire premise; perhaps it's the weak development of characters. It could be that Kellerman simply isn't tricksy enough, since he only develops one reasonable suspect (of course the cardinal rule of mystery writing means that (s)he is automatically eliminated) before applying the inevitable twist to the plot - or maybe it's that he telegraphed that twist. Perhaps it's that he uncharacteristically depends on a visit from the Coincidence Fairy in the person of a well-connected Las Vegas cop. I just don't know - but somehow Gone left me unsatisfied. Kellerman being Kellerman, we - of course - are treated to long expository passages on Delaware's urbanity: the carefully-creased trousers, the lovingly cared-for aging Coupe DeVille, even the "curtains blowing in the wind" style romantic interludes with the return(ed? ...ing?) Robin. The guy is so darned perfect, I guess, that he's definitely begun to get on my nerves. And then there are the old Delaware standbys, ones that Kellerman uses in every! single! installment! - using an outdated ID to get into someone's head or through his/her door. It's no longer that hoary Western Peds ID he used to use, now he's flashing some bogus LAPD "consultant" badge. And then there's another Kellerman standby - the use of bizarre surnames for his characters: Peaty? Stradlbaum? According to 411.com, there are 18 people named "Peaty" in the US and a grand total of zero named "Stradlbaum." Can't the guy use a "Smith" once in a while? OK, now that's merely grousing - at the core of my tepid enthusiasm for Kellerman's latest is a simple observation: it's just not that interesting. Used to be Kellerman books kept you on the edge of your seat; this one didn't even keep me awake. The characters aren't interesting, the action is slow, the final outcome is quite frankly unbelievable. In short, Kellerman boiled this particular plot just a little longer than he should have. My advice? Give Alex a rest and pull Petra Connor out for the next couple of books: Dr. Delaware needs a sabbatical. Note to JK: an old red Datsun minivan? Don't you mean Nissan? and you might want to look up the difference between "breach" and "broach": one does not "broach" another's defenses. all content copyright © 2014 by scmrak
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