Author: Jonathan Kellerman Title: Mystery Genre: mystery
What were the chances... I mean what were the chances! The ever-urbane Dr. Alex Delaware and the always-divine Robin visited a favorite bistro on the night it closed its doors forever; and therein they spotted a lissome lovely bedecked in white and sporting a dazzling diamond watch. Outside they happened upon what was clearly "muscle," presumably guarding the one person inside who needed guarding (though hotcha Robin's red stilettos did briefly distract him...)
What were the chances that the very next day Milo - the gay LAPD homicide dick (-snicker-) about the size of the carton Alex came in - would show Alex a photo of a dead damsel. And that damsel could only be identified by her clothing, since her face had been disappeared. And that it was the same lovely he'd seen the night before! Well, it's a good thing that LA is a small town, after all...
Naturally Alex got involved. And naturally, he also had a little professional business on the side (a dying ex-madam with a nasty attitude and a sweet six-year-old) who just happened to know some useful information about the dead sweetie. Good thing Alex had all those special connections, because without them Milo and the rest of the LAPD would've been shit out of luck, you know what I mean. But he had ‘em, and - of course - that's how they solved this particular Mystery.
I think maybe I missed the most recent Delaware novel - or maybe it was just so much like the previous 24 books in the series (hey! If this were a Kinsey Milhone novel, he'd be done!) that I read it and immediately forgot it. And while I probably won't instantly forget Mystery, I suppose I could still hope.
This time out Kellerman's given us a wealth of pure throwaway, from the abundant descriptions of Milo's meals to the lavish descriptions of the good doctor's threads
Dress for success. For this job, that meant my best suit, a black Zegna I'd found on sale, a yellow tab-collar shirt with French cuffs, a black-and-gold Hermès tie purchased at the same closeout, Italian loafers so infrequently worn their soles remained glossy.
As in all the recent installments in the series, Kellerman is positively obsessive in his descriptions of his character's wardrobes and meals, perhaps because both fill space without taxing his plotting skills.
Why, that there's a Coupe de Ville, Dr. Delaware! [credit BullDoser / wikimedia]
And this time out, the plotting skills are weak: starting with a gigantic visit from the Coincidence Fairy and closing with an overwrought, seventeen-page recitation of "I deduce that it was Monsignor Mauve in the vomitorium with the "snickersnee," Mystery boasts the plotting of the average YA vampire romance. Really, I mean shoehorning the Doc and his lovely luthier into the opening scene smacks of a first novel on the self-publication circuit. It's amazing that Milo Stugis can keep his job, given that he contributes so little to the solutions of the Alex Delaware mysteries - this time, he had just about diddly-squat to do with solving the case; just riding around with the Doc in that vintage Coupe de Ville of his.
I'm one of those readers who likes mysteries that involve assembling clues and then fitting together the pieces of the puzzle, building a solution that a careful reader might be able to solve him- or her-self. This is not one of those books. In fact, I have to admit that I resent a novel like Mystery, where Kellerman buries the critical clue under two sentences:
"Milo said, ‘Mr. Westfeldt, we could use some help.' The old man listened to the request. ‘Sure, no problem.'"
How am I supposed to solve this thing on my own without information? Feh. In fact, I think the most interesting thing I read in this book was the pink Post-It® someone had left as a bookmark within its pages. It said, "James: Here's some info on the Branson Resort. They don't require any $ until like 30 days prior. John." Hey, folks: who's James? And who's John? When you come right down to it, that's a more interesting mystery than Mystery.