Brad Meltzer's The Fifth Assassin: They Killed Trees for This?
Amazon says:
Banes & Noble thinks:
|
Author: Brad Meltzer
Title: The Fifth Assassin Genre: thriller Item: One secret society, supposedly originally founded by George Washington to “protect the presidency” (a member makes the point ad nauseam that it’s to protect the presidency, not the president. Members: Beecher, Tot, and Mac (nickname for “Immaculate Deception”). Calls itself the “Culper Ring,” for no apparent reason. Item: One assassin housed in St. Elizabeth’s Hospital in Washington, DC (no it’s not Hinckley). Named “Nico,” Nicholas Hadrian is certifiably insane but – of course – a complete genius, capable of bending almost anyone to his will remotely. Has a daughter, named Clementine (no jokes about herring boxes, please), and guess what: she’s a high-school classmate of Beecher’s! Talks (internally) to a dead First Lady, which one and how she dies is not discussed. Item: One “penetration tester” who can get into any secure location, named Marshall, who is – wonder of wonders – also one of Beecher’s high-school classmates. Horribly burned in some accident at some time in the past, details of which are never revealed. As if anyone really cares. Item: One President of the United States, has a deep, dark secret: years ago, he and his best friend beat someone to death. And guess what: it was in Beecher’s, Clementine’s, and Marshall’s little home town! Wow! What a coinky-dink, eh?! Item: One nutjob who thinks he is “the Knight,” who is re-enacting the four assassinations of U S Presidents preparatory to doing the deed again with the current PoTUS. Summary: The omnipotent Nico somehow enlisted the Knight to kill the President, using playing cards (if you want to know what that means, read the book – but, really, it’s not worth it). The omniscient Culper Ring has to protect the presidency per its (nonexistent) charter, so they reluctantly decide to protect the President. Clementine appears out of nowhere, sick as a dog. Then there’s some inane gabble about a bunch of plankholders and a supersecret military program that killed Beecher’s father, crippled Marshall’s father, and drove Clementine’s father bonkers. And Clemmie thinks the supersecret program about which she can find no details is responsible for her cancer – I did mention the cancer, didn’t I? I think maybe it’s Ali McGraw’s disease, in which you get more beautiful as you approach death. And Marshall is hiding a secret about his mother. And… oh, who cares. Unbeknownst to me, The Fifth Assassin turned out to be the third book in a series, though if you ask me why anyone would’ve read the second one if the first one was as bad as the third is beyond me. Anyhow, Brad Meltzer has managed to drag out his tale through three, count ‘em, three books. It’s just possible that this one would’ve been a bit more readable if Meltzer had bothered to fill in the blanks better instead of dropping a slew of hints that are apparently meant to coerce the reader into buying the two previous books (it doesn’t work…). And someone please tell me, what’s with the doofus names? Tot?! (short for Aristotle, but is that any better?) and Beecher? It might also have been better if it had fewer chapters (I mean, really – 114 chapters????) and the story were not riddled with holes and the occasional inconsistency. Beset by characters that no one can like who have stupid names, cursed by so many visits from the Coincidence Fairy that she might as well set up housekeeping in Meltzer’s garage, and as choppy as Loch Ness when the Monster has insomnia, The Fifth Assassin is… …in a word: dreck. And it gets worse: Meltzer has a fourth book in the works (be assured – this reviewer will not be reading it). all content copyright © 2014 by scmrak
|