Rob Reid Writes a Half-Witty Imitation of Douglas Adams: Year Zero
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Author: Rob Reid
Title: Year Zero Genre: science fiction Humans got rhythm, and humans got rhyme. Humans are good – very good – at music; so good that the whole universe (the whole universe) is in awe of earthlings. Makes no difference whether it’s grunge or afrocaribbean, zydeco or gangstah rap: no one in the universe sings it like us. That’s a problem… You see, the Refined League (trill-yuns and trill-yuns of beings throughout the galaxy) love music (even more than macramé), but they’re really, really bad at it. Worse than the worst dead-drunk karaoke rendering of “You Light up My Life” you could ever imagine. And so the citizens of the Refined League gobbled up every last note of Earth music they could get their hands, tentacles, podia, pseudopodia – you get the picture – on. In the process, they ran up a debt for unauthorized copies ($75,000 per) equal to the entire wealth of the universe, all of which, per League law, is payable to Earth’s citizens. When a pair of Refined League citizens (Perfuffinites, who look exactly like them most gorgeous of humans except for their eight-toed feet) show up at Nick Carter’s door, it’s to arrange payment. It seems that they’ve mistaken Nick for 1) the Carter of Carter, Geller & Marks, Attorneys at Law (he’s not) and 2) the Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys (ditto). Nevertheless, it falls to Nick – along with his folksinger neighbor (and object of unrequited lust), Manda, her cat Meowhaus and Nick’s cousin, Pugwash, to save the Earth. Yes, Pugwash is Nick’s cousin, not the cat’s – no matter how stupid that might seem. You see, certain folks in the Universe don’t want Earth to collect on that debt, so they plan to destroy it. Oops. It’s been a long, strange trip for Rob Reid. The Harvard MBA founded (mostly through purchases) Rhapsody, which would probably be the source of all digital music today if it weren’t for iTunes (and maybe the DMCA). So a book about the music biz seems pretty much right up his alley. It seems that Reid spent several weeks dissecting all of Douglas Adams’ and Terry Pratchett’s output in search of a formula for success through absurdity. If you’re under about 26, he succeeded. If not, he didn’t. The result of his research, Year Zero, is about as absurd a piece of pseudoscience fiction as I’ve seen in a while, and that includes a lot of Charlie Stross. The book’s peppered throughout with pop-culture references (which means it’ll probably have the staying power of a s’more) and overlain with a massive dose of Reid’s personal attitudes. You should be happy you’re not on Reid’s enemies list, or else he’d have probably attempted to crucify you like he did Senator Orrin Hatch (“Fido”) and the honcho of Arista (“Munk”). I haven’t seen anything that childish in a long time, though I don’t read stuff by the likes of Ann Coulter. I’m sure there were other references, but they were probably in the boring parts I skimmed. It’s pretty clear that Reid’s bitter about big recording companies and their relationship to new media. Oddly, he doesn’t seem to care much about the writers and performers, but hey – creating music isn’t how he made his money. For instance, the first music the Refined League hears is the theme song to “Welcome Back Kotter” – but Reid never bothers to mention John Sebastian. D’oh. Year Zero has been compared to The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and it’s a fair comparison. After all, they’re both books and both originally published in English. Other than that, they don’t have much in common: I read Adams before Rob Reid was old enough to get a driver’s license, and this ain’t Douglas Adams. It’s short on plot and long on polemics; all of which spoils a moderately original premise. Not recommended. |